Reasons People Get Divorced
There are lots and lots of reasons people get divorced. Sometimes, the marriage ends with a bang. Other times, the couple slowly comes to the decision to divorce over time. In any event, there are some things that are more likely to cause a divorce than others. Below are some of the most common reasons people get a divorce, according to a recent survey.
Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons
All too often, people justify their decision to marry with statements such as the following:
- “It’s time.”
- “My biological clock is ticking.”
- “He doesn’t make me unhappy.”
- “She wants all the same things I do.”
- “They check all the boxes.”
- “Everyone says we are the perfect couple.”
Not surprisingly, getting married with an eye on the clock, or “settling,” is one of the top reasons people get divorced. Unless both people are clear on the basis for the relationship going forward, marriages based on preconceived notions about when something “should” happen are likely to fail. A marriage should be based on trust and mutual understanding. Of course, if both parties decide they like and respect each other, and choose to marry for the specific purpose of raising children together, the marriage may have a slightly better chance than one where one party is only marrying for the potential for children and fails to disclose this motivation to the other party.
Losing Independence Due to the Marriage
It is good to want to spend time with and do things with your spouse. In fact, it is essential to a happy marriage. But this doesn’t mean that you must spend every minute of every hour of every day with them. Instead, maintaining your own separate personhood is essential to maintaining a healthy balance between the two of you as a couple, and each of you individually.
Your spouse fell in love with you when you were your own awesome person. Maintaining separate interests and pursuing individual desires keeps you independent and interesting. It provides material for you to share with your spouse as you reconnect at the end of your day. Becoming a single entity is one of the most frequently identified reasons people get divorced.
Forgetting Why You Married in the First Place
Often times, when people decide to marry, it is because they want to spend their whole lives with that person. Unfortunately, work, student loan debt, and other obligations can get in the way. Add to that an ailing parent, small children, or both, and things can get overwhelming. It becomes very easy to put the relationship last. Sadly, the love you shared on your wedding day is not sufficient to feed you as a couple for a lifetime. Instead, couples need new experiences, shared dreams, and an investment in themselves and each other for love to continue to grow and deepen.
Failing to Appreciate Differences in Approaching Life
Some people can’t go to sleep if there are unwashed dishes. Others could care less about the state of the dishes until the morning comes, when it is time for a fresh cup of coffee. There is no “right” way to approach this or the many other disagreements in how to handle every day life chores. However, if a couple is of differing minds when it comes to doing the dishes, paying the bills, maintaining the bathroom, or any of the hundreds of other tasks that can impact your satisfaction in life, it is a good idea to discuss these disagreements before the marriage. “Incompatibility” is one of the top reasons people get divorced.
Of course, if you are already married, you can still have these conversations now. Understanding not only what is important, but why it is important, can help a couple come to an agreement about how to handle certain issues. Maybe the person who “needs” to have a clean sink at night can agree that the other person can handle the finances. Or is willing to live with dirty dishes in the sink on some days, while the other person agrees to wash the dishes after supper on other days. A couple could make a game of this. (See, “Forgetting Why You Married in the First Place.”)
The Intimacy Dwindles
It is a well know fact that men, by and large, need to feel sexual receptivity to feel romance. Women, on the other hand, need to feel romance to feel sexually receptive. When one or both parties to the marriage misfire, this can lead to a downward spiral, with the man not feeling his wife’s sexual receptivity, and the woman not feeling romance. (Of course, these are generalizations. Men and women both desire sexual receptivity and romance to varying degrees. And there is nothing in this that excludes same sex couples from struggling with a lack of intimacy.)
Losing intimacy can result in couples feeling the end of the relationship is the only logical result. It can be very hard to get the intimacy train back on the rails once it has fallen off. However, it can be done. Particularly if a couple is mindful of the fact that a loss of intimacy is one of the frequently cited reasons people get divorced.
Are You Considering Divorce or Separation?
If you are considering divorce or a legal separation, contact the firm of Fait & DiLima. Our legal team can work with you to preserve what is important to you, while you consider your options. Divorce is not for everyone. Some people consider a trial separation while they work to maintain the marriage. Others choose to separate long term, with no divorce planning in the works. Only you can decide what is best for you and your family.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation. We can discuss your options and make a plan for you and your family. Call (301) 251-0100. We have offices in Rockville and Frederick to serve you.